This will probably be all over the place, but I just wanted to get some thoughts down. First off, I have decided to be more positive...lol, to do things and not complain (Shane don't get too excited, get that happy smirk off your face!) I am not sure why, but I have always had this *thing* when it comes to cleaning, cooking etc I(we) chose that I would stay at home with the kids, but in the back of my head I have always thought well why do I have to do it all!But now (finally) I have decided that if I think a little more positively then keeping the house kept won't be such a horrible task, don't get me wrong, I will never be Miss Suzie homemaker but I hope not be to be so miserable about the whole thing(Shane don't think this gets you off the hook with helping ;)
I am not going to as they say "sweat the small stuff", I tend to worry about what everybody else is doing, thinking etc....but now if it does not directly involve me or my family then I am not going to spend precious time thinking about it. Don't get
me wrong, when I see someone park in a stupid spot in the school parking lot, I will most definitely thing "what an idiot", but I will be trying not to voice that as it was their stupid decision, and nothing to do with me...lol
My weight, yes I have put on weight, and I am not comfortable with it, but I need to stop stressing over it! I know how to do it so I just need to do it, but until then I am going to stop feeling like a frumpy old lady...lol
Shane's moms near death scare seems to have brought his family back together, and I am truly happy for Shane that that has happened. However, I have told Shane that while I have no objections to him rebuilding his relationship with his family, I am not ready to jump in there with him. I will support him 100% but it is not something I am comfortable with for me. Also I want to be cautious with how the kids are involved with the whole thing, I mean they have only seen Jackson once, maybe twice when he was a baby! Our kids have no idea who they are, and I don't want them getting all confused.....I guess if I am honest, I want to know that this is for real and the same old drama is not going to unfold(which has already started to happen). So Shane please know I am behind what ever you need or want to do, but I am going to be be more cautious.
I said that this post would be all over the place...lol I want some things in my life to change, mainly my attitude. I have friends in my life who I appreciate very much...I tend to choose friends with some caution, there is not too much I would not do for a friend, and I tend to look for the same qualities in others. I am lucky to have found a few friends who I feel are true friends, I may not talk with them everyday but I know they are there, and in turn they (I hope) know I am there for them. They accept me as I am, happy, sad, bitchy(yes sweet little me can get bitchy ;) ,and I am comfortable being "me" around them...........I am grateful for all of you :)
Ok that is enough confusion for one day....if you understood all of this you are a genius....lol OK I am going to do some more laundry...hey I "typed" that with a smile on my face, maybe this attitude change thing won't be so painful afterall ;)
1 comment:
Ah yes, the bane of all stay at home Moms.....the drudgery of routine chores. My Mom used to say that mothershood was the job with the most delayed gratification there is! :) I think that staying positive has a lot to do with seeing a greater purpose behind the tasks. If all I am seeing is the dirty clothes and toilets it is depressing! But if I try to see the greater purpose behind it all -- showing love to those closest to me and being home to care for them and teach them to be productive, optomistic, happy people, the job can seem more rewarding.
I just have one more thing to say -sorry to ramble on so much! :)
When I was volunteering this week there was a boy in the office for the afternoon. He was in tears at one point because he was sick and they couldn't reach a parent to come pick him up. When I saw the sorrow on that little ones face I was reaffirmed in my choice to stay home to be there for my kids in moments just like that.
Bring on the delayed gratification!
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